So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
