the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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