Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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