yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
