I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
