it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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