Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
