I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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