this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
