mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
