So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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