He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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