Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
