So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
