Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's the barista slut.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
