i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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