it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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