I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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