I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
