There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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