I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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