it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is the high leading the old right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Panties = found
Randomize
