In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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