oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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