i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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