there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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