If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
