My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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