Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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