Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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