he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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