I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
