I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
