oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
