Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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