I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
