he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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