how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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