We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
