I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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