i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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