Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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