Someone shit on the floor
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's blow job season.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
