Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
