Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize