I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
