You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
