Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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