i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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