Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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