How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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