i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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