my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
