I have demons in me.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
