a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
