I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dick very happy bro
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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