...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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