I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
