i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
