When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
