just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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