Small penises have feelings too.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
