Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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