I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
