I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
