It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize