you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
