My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
