Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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