this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
