So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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