But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
