there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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