just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
