Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
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