i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
