I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
