So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
